Thursday, September 20, 2012

Pavlov's dogs

I swear there are fingerprints on my face after last week's extended facepalm-a-thon.

Here's what happened:

Someone in the US, using the freedoms guaranteed by the American constitution, made a video (movie? movie trailer? The reviews were so lame that I never bothered watching) and uploaded it to YouTube. This is hardly remarkable, of course. Those of us familiar with the Internet realize that this is precisely what makes YouTube what it is.

But tragically, on September 11, militants attacked US Embassies in Libya and Egypt. Many people were killed, including the US Ambassador and several Libyans. The 'reason' given for this mindless violence was that they didn't quite like the video - and, one presumes, had some trouble locating the 'dislike' button on YouTube.

Just to piss off bigots, I'm going to quote Salman Rushdie next.

Appearing on the Daily Show last night, Rushdie said that in parts of the Islamic world, there exists an 'outrage industry'. I couldn't agree more. There is a large market for manufactured outrage in the Muslim world today and mullahs and politicians around the Islamic heartland regularly partake in this virtual bukkake of stupidity.

Protests erupted in distant countries, as more people were inexplicably "outraged" overnight at a movie that they hadn't seen and couldn't describe. Churches were attacked in Africa. Protests were held in Malaysia. Crowds gathered in Bangladesh. YouTube was reportedly banned yet again in Pakistan, where two people were also killed in violent protests - one from allegedly inhaling smoke from a burning flag.

I'd give you a moment to facepalm to all that... but wait, there is more.

"Outraged" Saudi Arabians, unable to locate an American Embassy, gathered in front of the local McDonalds instead!

Would you like some fries with that bigotry?

Seeing this global outpouring of stupidity, the Maldivian mullahs perhaps began to feel rather left out.

Finding neither an Embassy nor a McDonalds to protest outside, they settled on the next best thing which, um, turned out to be the UN building.

So, leaflets were distributed one afternoon and hundreds of "outraged" fundies turned up outside the UN building - inside which, I imagine, were dozens of puzzled staffers wondering 'the fuck did we do? Apart from funding half of your country's development programs, that is?'

They were holding signs that read "Maldives: Future graveyard of Americans and Jews" and flags were burnt; one guy whose favourite subject couldn't have been biology held up a sign insisting President Obama was 'a son of a dog'. [No, dear protester. Don't be silly. If he were, it'd be a bigger miracle than Jesus]

One asshole who had the audacity to call for "peaceful conduct" while the good Muslims were busy 'outrage'-ing the hell out of everything, had to be given police protection and taken away.

One disgusting person, not content with mere bigotry and pointless hatred, decided some child abuse might liven up things. So he brought along what I believe are, very unfortunately, his own tiny children - carrying toy guns - to the protest.

Parenting. You fail hard.

Now, to be clear, everybody has a right to protest - even dumbasses. For all I care, they could have been gathered outside a lingerie store, holding traffic signs, and angrily protesting DineMore's tiny chips portions. But that doesn't change the fact that they're still dumbasses, and that is central to this entire blog post.

The effort involved in explaining the irony of hordes of angry, violent dipshits protesting against being depicted as angry, violent dipshits is simply more than an average, over-the-hill blogger like me can muster.

But I can say this: not even the most ingenious Islamophobic gay Jew spy in the Mossad corner of the underground CIA bunker in Sodom could have done a better job of reaffirming Islam's ugly image in the minds of those who already view it with suspicion.

Now the most obvious question is.. why? Why was any of this necessary?

There is always the odd ball commentator who tries to point out that US and the West has killed hundreds of thousands of ordinary people, and propped up brutal regimes around the middle east and struck arms deals with tyrants for oil - and paint this mindless violence as being a justified 'response'.


For one thing, the 'jihadis' kill 8 times more Muslims than any 'enemy' of theirs.  Furthermore, these protests, where Muslims kill each other and destroy their own property, were not led by any stated political aim - but by invoking 'religious outrage'.

And yet these same fools will recoil in horror at the suggestion that their skewed ideology is rooted in violence and hatred.

Ambassadors of the Religion of peace, clearly.

The increasing despise for Islam among ordinary Westerners is not fueled by any sinister Western engineered plot. It is something Muslims have brought upon themselves with the endless displays of global ass-hattery as was showcased this last week.

Maybe the idea that individuals in the West are free to express their thoughts without government approval is a foreign concept to those who have outsourced all their thinking.

Of course, Freedom of speech must ideally be exercised - as with any other freedom - with grace, responsibility and respect for others. But at least the fools who made that video had the basic decency to express their stupidity in a harmless video without resorting to killing, butchering, burning and slashing. That makes the whole world of difference; the difference between civilization and barbarism.

The coup regime's Minister of Islamic (and other) Affairs has called to exercise 'restraint' and to avoid violence, all the while justifying "anger".

I refuse to do the same. I am not a big fan of restraint, but it would be pretty neat if someone in the Muslim world would start to exercise some common sense, starting with the coup regime.

The Maldivian censor board  has, for instance, 'banned' the watching of the said video. Meanwhile, the Communications Authority of the Maldives has been trying to 'block' the YouTube video in the country, revealing their remarkable grasp of how the Internet works.

Great job, assholes. That'll keep 'em out.

An exasperated French Imam, reacting after another wave of provocative cartoons from a French newspaper, urged his followers to stay calm saying "we're not Pavlov's animals to react to every insult!".

But we are! I haven't seen the slightest evidence of any logical thought process behind this orgy of violence with which Muslims react every time somebody draws a cartoon or uploads a video; over 30 people in 7 countries have been killed just this week over the latest video - a lame one at that! - uploaded by somebody in a distant far away country.

It is a response driven by some kind of cultivated instinct. Just like Pavlov's dogs.

It makes one wonder: Is Islam really the religion that kept the sciences alive and the flame of knowledge burning bright throughout Europe's dark ages? Are we really the bearers of the legacy of great philosophers and polymaths who explored the seas and charted the heavens and ruled over great Empires?

How did we end up mired in this violent, medieval ignorance?

How come a people with such a rich, storied, cultured legacy act like mere trained dogs that bark and bite at the slightest flick of the Mullah's hand?

Some people accuse me of sounding condescending when writing about the Mullah menace. But of course I am! It is well-deserved and hard won condescension. I refuse to treat with respect those who have given up all rights to be respected. Indeed, I am being mild on them by merely calling them dumbasses and morons.

A more apt word, for instance, would be murderers; unthinking thugs.

It is unhelpful to blame only the helpless Pavlov's dogs for this. One must blame their leaders - the ignorant, medieval Mullahs who claim unto them unfounded religious authority. They bring no good news, and leave nothing but destruction in their wake.

Their influx into this country has to be stopped if the country is to ever make progress.

I do not hesitate to label them worse human beings, and deserving of contempt. And mind you, this is not because I do not tolerate a dissenting opinion or the Wahhabi ideology. Everybody is entitled to an opinion just like I am.

The difference is, I do not go around blowing up the Saudi and Afghan embassies.