The Final Push

Arrest me officer! For I have thunk!

Well. It's finally happening.

The much delayed climax; the final Arab push for a takeover of what was once a free, liberal and happy country known as the Maldives.

It began innocuously enough - with some Egypt-educated Sheikhs coming and asserting their "knowledge" on an ancient country that had perfected its traditional folk Islam and island culture.

Then, before we knew it, Maldivians started turning up in all sorts of vile places - in radical madrassas in Pakistan. In Al-Qaeda forums and videos. In terror attacks and 'martyrdom' and jihad camps.

Our once free and liberated women have been sinking into mental slavery - slowly being pushed out of the picture and forced into seclusion behind a black veil as shameful objects to be kept hidden away from beastly male desires.

Concubines. Female Genital Mutilation. Polygamy. Jihad. Fatwas. Death threats. Murder. Bomb blasts. Black veils. Camel meat. Big beards. Censorship. Intolerance. Fanaticism.

And now this.

The Jamiyyathul Salaf, a registered NGO (oh, who are we kidding?! Yet another hydra-head of the same pseudo-Arab monster that also includes the Adhaalathu party) has had a 6-month long intercourse with our beloved Ministry of Divine Affairs and produced their love child.

The "Religious Unity Act" - the single most perverted and petty piece of legislation the Maldives has ever seen.

It has been designed with the single-minded intention of permanently castrating all rational thinking in our country, and forever enslave its people to the merest whims of this band of traitorous, ignorant fools with self-proclaimed fanciful titles.

The Bill, if passed (and it is likely to), will give the already too-powerful MoIA the powers to swoop on printing presses and bookshops and remove anything that is in conflict with their intellectually-handicapped version of Islam.

The Bill, when passed, will give them the ‘authority’ to pluck out all scientific and rational pursuit from our school curriculum and replace them with rigid conformity to their narrow-minded backward ideology.

This Bill, when passed, will give them overriding powers to BAN any voices in the media, print or online forums that still defend our basic social freedoms against their mindless bulldozing of anything that might displease their Arab cultural masters.

It's shameful that this mental slavery is going to be imposed on a 3000-year old Dhivehi culture.

It would be the ultimate tool to prey on foreign teachers, dissident bloggers, progressives, liberals and all thinkers who dare challenge the half divine God-sent passport-holders of Seykustan.

The Bill also wants 'sentences' to be handed to those who "challenge God and Shariah". Well, you know what? That's ME they're talking about.

Why? Because Shari'ah is BullCRAP. I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

I'd be darned if I sit back and watch while the camel-huggers impose a 4-witness-half-a-witness joke of a legal system in my country.

I'll be double-darned if I let these Jamiyyathul Salaf or their IQ-stunted cousins in the Adhaalathu party take away my freedom to air my opinions in my own country.

And finally, let it be known that I WILL speak up against Shari'ah and child abuse and veils and any other trick they pull to subjugate Maldivian women and citizens as part of their false beliefs and pathetic dogmas.

Let's see how far they take their plan to shut Maldivians up and strip us naked of our rights.

Democracy my ass. These guys need to be rounded up and deported back to their sand dunes.

~Peace!

Merry Christmas!

Season's greetings to all my friends and fellow Maldivians! ;-)

Wishing you all a merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

Cheers!


~Peace!

Small Fish in the Ocean

Small Fish : Hello, Mr. Ocean! I've heard so much about y-

Ocean: Shut up, roll up your sleeve and get to work.

.. And so starts my career.

Oh Crap. Yaamyn's blog is 4 years.

Holy Effing F! My blog is 4 years old. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Here's the story until now.

My name is Yaamyn. I can barely speak Dhivehi. I cannot swim, do not smoke, do not have a girlfriend, do not like the taste of betel nuts, do not ride a motor bike, do not play football, do not sport an Afro, no longer own a fancy phone and have never caught a fish in my entire life.

Nevertheless, through some obvious cock-up on sombody's part, I still proudly retain a Maldivian passport.

Today marks 57 days since I arrived in the Maldives, making it the longest that I've ever been here. I'm trying hard to get used to the place and convince myself that THIS is home. (It's not easy, but I'm determined to get there)

I started this blog at a time when the internet was a dark, hollow bark in a tree into which I could scream my thoughts and secrets and never hear about them ever again.

It was a marvelous plan, and worked like a charm for 3 years. Then, almost overnight, some curious Maldivians stumbled on to my blog. And in turn, I was introduced to the vibrant Maldivian blogosphere.

The internet stopped being the mysterious hollow in the bark, and became a loud drum that echoed my thoughts everywhere. And to everyone.

Sometimes that's a great thing.

And then, sometimes I see the sheer number of visitors going through my old, extremely personal posts where - as a reckless teenager - I ranted rants and named names. No good could possibly come out it.

I'd originally vowed never to modify or delete any post on this blog - no matter how godawful and embarrassing they were. The blog was to act like an honest mirror of my thoughts that I could go back and read when I was 50 and extremely bored.

But then, I never thought I'd get a thousand hits on a page either.

It became a matter of protecting other people's privacy. It was a wrenching decision but, so long old posts, I'll never see you again. I hate myself.

But as they say. C'est la vie!

In the bargain, I have been labeled 'anti-Islamic', 'kafir', 'atheist pig' and so on. I have also got myself a fair share of death notes for being a liberal secularist.

On this marvelous anniversary of supermassive cosmic significance, I would like to reiterate my stand.

It's a wonderful thing to be a liberal. It's a wonderful thing to respect the rights of all humans to live with dignity in our country. It is a worthy cause to fight for the rights of the OTHER. It is a worthy fight to speak up for those who have no voice. It is a worthy dream to believe our country would one day grant all its citizens these rights.

Finally, it makes a lot of sense in showing respect to earn respect. Doesn't it?

Four Years. *sigh* Die, blog. Die!

~Peace!

Mauling the Language

You know what's worse than bad? Atrocious.

And what's worse than 'atrocious'? Haama Daily.

The "English" Department over at Haama needs to be shot. Or feted. I really can't decide.

Minarets Exposed! Nuts revealed!

It's a funny game.

First, the radical mullahs worldover recruited foot-soldiers to fight an imaginary war between a make-believe Islamic "ummah" and the Western hemisphere - luring them with unmatched rewards of sex with 72 first-timers.

Political Scientists have tried to come up with ways to deal with this delusional army of virgin hunters. Some smart people suggested engaging with the dictator-infested Middle East, whereas Bush suggested "smoking 'em out" instead.

As it turned out, the whole "smokin' out" thing kinda backfired badly and, as a result, even more people came to learn about the 72 full-breasted hotties on offer and promptly enlisted for the 'Will-Die-For-Sex' army.

Will Die for Sex.

Ever since, political strategists have been ripping out their hair trying to find the secret behind the Mullah's undying influence.

That is, until the extremely efficient Swiss came up with the ultimate, brilliant, fool-proof solution to eradicate  the suicide-bombing virgin-hunter menace once and for all.

The far-right nationalist nitwits in Switzerland com have apparently narrowed it all down to... the minarets.

Seeing as how no one really knows what the hell purpose minarets serve anyway, I had to urgently make  some plausible explanations behind this incredible move.

a) Islamist radicals secretly live inside minarets.

b) Secret low-frequency radio towers hidden inside minarets emit brainwashing signals, specifically targetting otherwise harmless Muslim youth.

c) Minarets double up as missiles that can be launched with nuclear warheads that can destroy  'western freedoms'

Hayya and go blow up!

d) Minarets happen to be the only giant phallic structures that terrorists possess, making it rather necessary that they be demolished in order to permanently emasculate the virgin-hunters (and hence, world peace! Bravo!)

So there it is. Swiss right-wing lunatics waste money on an entire election campaign to ban an architectural appendage in the hopes of forever ending Islamist extremism (but which, as any brain-dead anesthetized jellyfish could point out, will do just the opposite)

On the the other hand, Islamic extremists have connected this with the banning of the burqa in France, and declared the whole thing a western CIA jewspiracy to kill Islam and tarnish its peaceful image, thus requiring all peaceful Muslims to behead, burn and blow themselves up in protest.

And thus, the intolerance cycle continues feeding off each other.

Just WHO puts these incompetent, lunatic, religious extremists in charge of running the world?

*sigh*

If I were to read anything positive in all this, it is that fact that we liberals can still breathe easy in the knowledge that we don't hold the shit end of the IQ stick.

~Peace!