Speak Arabic or Die!

Ever wondered how some of these 'scholars' seem to make so much sense even when they're talking utter rubbish?

The other day, I was flipping through channels on my TV, when I came across something called a Peace TV.

On it, the televangelist Zakir Naik was addressing what appeared to be a billion of his  followers. Now, anybody who's heard of Zakir Naik knows of his penchant for using 'logical arguments'. Well, this time, he was 'logically' arguing why everyone should refer to the almighty as 'Allah' rather than the English word 'God'.

The problem with using 'god' is this : you can apparently add letters to it - and doing this would completely change its meaning.

For example, intoned the wise Zakir Naik, you could append the word 'God' with 'father'. Then it would read 'Godfather', which is completely unacceptable, as it conveys a whole different meaning.

Also, you could add 'dess' and make it 'Goddess'. This would clearly be an epic disaster of tragic proportions.

Furthermore, you could add 'less' to the word, and end up with another exceedingly scandalous abomination.

(Also, Dr. Naik forgot to mention this, but if you appended 'God' with the word 'own', then it would read 'godown' - a horrible place where evil capitalists hoard stuff and leave them to rot, in order to jack up prices. Definitely not a word that should be so closely associated with the Almighty)

Clearly, the English language has utterly failed in coining an apt word to describe the Mighty Creator of all the Universe.

However, the Arabic word 'Allah' is luckily free from this bedeviled accursedness. For surely, you can't add 'father' to it nor can you add 'less' (There's no such thing as 'Allahfather' or 'Allahless'.. Get it?)

Think of it! There is absolutely NOTHING in the English language that can be suffixed to this (Arabic-) word. In short.. BRILLIANT!

The Arabic word 'Allah' is proven to be incorruptible, and is thus a staggeringly appropriate title for the Divine Maker.

Makes a darn lot of sense doesn't it?

But, as it often happens, it got me thinking...What about other words we use everyday that could clearly be similarly misinterpreted, or grossly abused?

For example, that little furball in your room you call a 'Cat'.

Do you realize that if you add the word 'holic' to it you would have *gasp* a CATHOLIC lying on your couch! Un-frikking-acceptable! Not in this pristine, 100% Muslim nation of ours!

Evidently, this wouldn't happen if we stuck to the pure, original Arabic term 'Qitta'.


The possibilities are endless!

What about the English word "Mother"? You could append it with an offensive verb to get an altogether rude term which simply should NOT be used in reference to the lady who carried you in her womb.

I know I wouldn't.

Wait. Did I say "I"? What a horrible thing to call yourself! You see, if you take the word 'I' and add a 'Christ' before it, an 'an' afterward, you get *horrors* 'CHRISTIAN!!!  Is that what you want to call yourself, ye infidel Maldivians?

Switch to Arabic, you fools! Switch to Arabic now, lest you sin!!

English - or any other non-Middle-Eastern language, for that matter - can clearly land us in the fires of hell. ('Fire', it should be noted, can be confused with 'Firemen' or 'Ceasefire', both of which are peaceful, reassuring terms that take away from the horrible punishments awaiting us in Hell - which, if you add a simple 'S' before it, becomes a cosy 'shell', which many people would  actually look forward to visiting... *shudder* S-s-see what I mean?!)

I gained so much wisdom from watching Peace TV.

But I just couldn't help wondering. What would happen if one prefixed the word 'Green' to 'Peace'? Greenpeace? Wouldn't that be a horrible mangling of the original meaning of the word in context of the Religion of 'Peace'?

Alternatively, if you took the words 'Zakir Naik', removed all the letters and replaced them with 'A Stupid Blundering Buffoon'...

.... then I daresay you would be quite justified.

~Peace!