Things I didn't learn!

Do all traveling bloggers need to give an account of their journey? Ah! I guessed as much.

Well.. I've been in the Maldives for a week and a half now, enjoying the beautiful view from my cramped quarters in the crowded capital. (Photographs shall come eventually)

In this period, true to my nature, I've learnt nothing at all.

Among the things I'm yet to learn are:

1) HOW the hell am I able to make international calls from a disconnected, expired Indian SIM card that has a credit balance of -22.95 (That's right, NEGATIVE!) The customer service assures me this is an impossible feat, yet I'm still able to call! I'm hoping it's a bug. A lovely bug. A ladybug even! Hours of calls to my sweetheart in India.. and I'm charged nothing! Ahh!

2) WHERE the hell is Machangoalhi? I've yet to locate this particular part of Malé.. I've walked up and down and all around the tiny capital, but failed to reach this place. Does it really exist.. or is it some kind of urban legend after all?
(For non-Malé residents, this is akin to NOT finding a crater on the moon)

3) WHY do almost all Maldivian gang members (72% percent of the whole population, as I see) have such strikingly similar hairstyles? Do these guys share like the same stylist? Beats me. If it were up to me, I'd put them all in the slammer for life just for their poorly done Rastas and dreadlocks, if not for the drugs. Forgive them Marley! They know not what they're doing! They're too stoned!

4) IS Malé actually just one glorified slum? This 2 km wide city's the world's 4th most crowded place... with people living 3 families to a 'house' that's smaller than my room in Bangalore, paying a rent that's double their salary, struggling to keep up with skyrocketing food prices... AND at the same time, splurging on the most expensive perfumes, designer clothes, flashy phones, top of the line DSLR cameras, swanky cars and bikes (that have little utility) and Versace eyewear.
We're a slum full of spendthrift destitutes!

5) Seriously, where IS this Machangoalhi?!

Female (Yeah,-) Writers!

I just can't stand female authors (with the noble exceptions of JK Rowling and perhaps, Margaret Atwood)

Am I being sexist here? Or do all females actually write crap?

In my defense, I have only two words to say. Danielle Steel.

Taboo Talk!

Am I really in Male? Or did that flying sedan from Island Aviation actually get blown off course to the Arabian desert?!

Burqa Burqa everywhere!! What's happening to our country?!

Hmph.. I took a walk down Majeedhee magu today and was kinda disappointed to see that the burqa fad is simply refusing to die down. On the contrary, it's spreading faster than a Paris Hilton sex tape.

Numerous Burqa shops dot the streets... Women wrapped in Burqas of all shapes, sizes and colors abound everywhere, as far as the eye can see...

It's not a very pleasant sight. Sweaty women wiping the wetness off their brow, but covered in layers of black cloth. This, in the extremely humid Maldivian weather (I know how I sweat bullets under my thin, cotton T-shirt!) *sigh!*

I guess it's reached a point where Maldivian womenfolk somehow feel incomplete, naked, vulnerable or otherwise less perfect without that obviously uncomfortable foreign garb. Grr!!

Do these people really believe they're following some Islamic rule? Beats me.

I hope some Adhaalath lunatic doesn't come to power tomorrow and hang me by my toenails!! I'm just trying to express my discomfort over a totally un-Maldivian influence that's sweeping across our country - but somehow the debate just seems so taboo.

Will this sweeping force of Arabization continue till we officially become Ad-Dawlat Al-Mahaldheebiyya - a nation of 100% bearded men and veiled women living off fish from the sea?

Are there other people in the Maldives who are worried about this radical change.. or am I the lone voice of dissent? :p

Coming in a Transmogrifier!

[Before you read this.. I just fixed my last post, go read that and come back!]

Well! Guess who's coming to the Maldives tomorrow?!!!

Er.. NOpe! Not him.

No..

Nah!

Nope!

NO!! No! NO!!

Oh! Just give up, you lame guesser! It's ME!! :@

Yup. I'm arriving tomorrow! I'm also kinda confused. What exactly does a 20 year old guy who doesn't speak the language do in Malé? I mean.. I remember a time not too long ago, when I had 4 (FOUR) (No, Really F-O-U-R) (Yes, I DO mean 3+1, FOUR!!) dates lined up way before my arrival.

This time, I'm just clueless.

I don't particularly enjoy going calling on at relatives' places - but there's no escaping it. I have to go and flatter some obscure relatives, most of whom haven't entered the far reaches of my mind since the last time we met - which doesn't really register either.

So, if you notice a supicious looking, dark, 5ft 10-something guy walking aimlessly on the streets of Malé, (esp, Majeedhee Magu and that road around the island... cuz I don't get lost there!) do say a 'Hi'. I could do with some company.

I really hope it's not too windy tomorrow... that flying sedan that Island Aviation claims is a 'plane' doesn't really inspire my confidence. (It somehow reminds me of that cardboard 'transmogrifier' cum 'TimeMachine' from Calvin and Hobbes.. *gulp!*)

I'm in no mood to be blown halfway across the Indian ocean, Malé's a big enough place for some like me to get lost. :-/

If you're a potential tourist, do not be horrified by my pathetic account of an imminent visit to the Maldives! It's just that I neither speak the language, nor can I swim! I'm excited all right.

P.S. - It just saw a news report that read 'UAE sends dates to 22 countries'. Ha ha! [Don't frown.. Not my fault that you don't have a mind like mine..] Wish someone would send ME a date. Would have made my day. (Er..If you're my girlfriend reading this, I meant the juicy, fleshy, dark ones! I swear! Yes, yes, the fruit! the fruit!)

*ahem*

Meanwhile, I had a whale of a time reading the Maldivian fan's responses in this interview regarding the SAFF cup. *nods sadly* Tsk tsk! I wonder if we Maldivians will ever be interview friendly! :p

Erm.. I still wonder what a 20 yr old guy who doesn't really speak the language do in Malé? Yes, I can't swim either! Any suggestions?

NOW Read this!

"Allahu gandhee huvaa kuran. Thilhai magumathin fenunas koshaalaanan!"


UPDATE!: As the ever observant .mini and shweeeeet! have recently discovered, nobody but the two of them - not even me - clicks on any links here.
Anyways... the above link to mamdhooh's blog has now been fixed (I think)
So, .mini and shweeeeet!, you may now proceed to read it.
As for the rest of you from the 'Islaanic' Republic of the Maldives, stay clear of these two.

:p
.